what you won't do (for love)

there are very few things in this life worth driving one-thousand miles in depends so you don't have to stop for a bathroom break, but apparently, love is one of them. in hearing the story of lisa marie novak, i couldn't help but to wonder just what makes us cross that delicate line from in love to crazy.

i will be the first to admit that i have done some very embarrassing things "in the name of love," but i am going to go out on a limb and say that none of them could ever be considered de-ranged. there are countless movies made about people who have transitioned (from in love to crazy): sleeping with the enemy, the babysitter, and my all time favorite fatal attraction , to name only a few.

i have this theory about lies and expectations. we lie to ourselves about what we really want in order to lower our expectations and avoid being hurt. we think that if we tell our lie enough, that eventually, it will become the truth. we may even believe it, but usually, we are only fooling ourselves. that's the thing about denial, everyone else can see what's going on. i think that people snap because the lie is confronted with a truth so undeniable that all of the buried emotions surface, and they don't know how to handle it. not everyone is crazy enough to drive cross country to kidnap someone, but we all try to regain control in some way. we go on a diet, change our clothes, cut our hair, move, get a new job...anything that gives us the power over a situation to combat the area in our lives where we feel inept and helpless.

honesty is the best policy. i think that once we have accepted the situation, and the fact that we may have no control over it, we are less likely to have an adverse reaction...well, unless you were just crazy to begin with, and then, drugs. drugs, a white coat, and very nice people will show you to your room.

obama for president?

as much as i love the man...not in 2008.

i have been on both sides of the fence, debating myself about the pros and cons of senator obama running in the upcoming presidential election, and i have come to the conclusion that it is too soon. while i think that he is an extremely charismatic and talented individual, i am hesitant to sign off on a person with so little experience in the national political arena. i would prefer to see him finish out his term in the senate, have a track record, and get some time on the hill before making a bid for the presidency.

do not think that i would not support him if he did make it through the democratic primaries. maybe it is my fear that obama's bright star could be extinguished should he make too hasty a decision and do too much too soon. i have refrained from reading (what i know has to be) the countless news stories, blogs, etc. regarding this issue because i want my response to be genuine and not tainted by what i have read elsewhere. what i am about to admit is going to make me vulnerable, but so be it...

i do not hold very many people in high regard, least of all politicians. barack obama gives me hope. i know that the man is not perfect, politics is a dirty game, but something about him makes me believe that all is not lost, that unity can prevail, and that maybe, just maybe this country can redeem itself from the downward spiral it has entered. perhaps it is naive of me to pin so many hopes to a single man, and this is probably why i am so guarded. it is like finding love the second time around, you proceed with extreme caution, and every step toward admitting that you feel and giving in to being vulnerable makes you open to pain. it is easier to be apathetic...to not care, to be safe. it is when you become involved that you start to have something to lose.

i used to be this glowing optomist, with a save the world mentality and i see everyday that i have become more jaded in all aspects of my life, and that is hard to accept and even harder to admit. i want to care and to love, and to be invested, but i don't want to have my hopes dashed and come crashing down with disappointment. this is why so many things in my life are further from the path i intended to take. if i do something that i don't care about, it doesn't hurt me if things don't come to fruition because i have very little emotional capital involved.

the person inside of me who dares to dream, wants nothing more than to see barack obama run, win and succeed, but the logical pragmatic person that has taken over would rather see a solid successful career as a senator *maybe* followed by a presidential bid *if* everything is in place. but who is to say that barack obama's time is not now? who is to say that this tide that is so strong in his direction could not turn in the next 4 years, and what if all of the elements that have built him up to this moment, his moment, never come again? maybe i should just sit back and see how this plays out...keep my cards in my hand and play it safe, but that little glimmer inside of me, the person i used to be is sitting in the back of my mind, holding her breath, and praying. you see, *she* has the audacity...to hope.

linda stasi is an idiot.

in her recent article in the new york post, linda stasi attacked oprah for spending $40 million to build a school for girls in south africa using the argument that there are too many children here in the U.S.A who needed that assistance:

"Yeah, I've about had it with you and anyone else who relates more to the country of their ancestors than with the USA where we were all were raised, fed and educated well enough to earn enough dough to run back "home" to lend these helping hands. "

first things first, oprah is a private citizen who can do with her money whatever she pleases. why isn't stasi attacking an administration who has cut funding to education, resisted pay increases to teachers, and consistently avoided taking action to curb the downward spiral of education as a whole? i find stasi's indignation sadly misplaced. the continent of africa, one of the wealthiest in natural resources, has long been plundered by the west with NO regard for the native inhabitants, why begrudge a school? it is the least that anyone in this country can do to help rebuild what our country tore asunder.

bad advertising

a friend of mine had this photo in one of thier albums, and i thought...this has to be a joke, right? he's from california so my assumption is that the sign is depicting "caution! illegal immigrants."

for whatever reason, this brought to mind the old taco bell ad campaigns where the catchy "make a ruuuuun for the border!" jingle used to play at the close of each commercial. HOW did they get away with that???? i think that taco bell has single handedly had the most culturally insensitive advertising campaigns ever, and yet, i don't ever recall there being much backlash...i mean, remember the talking chihuahua with the accent? terrible.

there is nothing to fear...

but fear itself. a friend of mine recently told me something that i didn't want to hear. and at the close of the conversation, the question posed was: "what are you so afraid of?"

at the time, i was aggravated, i felt like that was a question that didn't appropriately address what i was feeling, but in retrospect, it was a question that i needed to answer for myself. WHAT is it that i was so afraid of? change. i will admit that i am a creature of habit, and though i make small changes frequently, big changes are hard to come by, and are usually spurred by some external catalyst. so the question that i am asking myself in the new year is "what are you waiting for?"

it seems that i wait and wait for things in my life to happen, but why wait? as cliche as it may sound, tomorrow is not promised, and all too often, all that is really holding us is fear. so what's the worst that could happen, i mean, if i don't die, i'm still here to keep on living (obviously) so why not LIVE! that is my profound schpiel for 2007. i am not afraid anymore. bring on the change, i suppose the worst it can do is kill me ;-)

oh yeah, i'm a nerd

so i got a speeding ticket when i was driving back from mexico a few weekends ago. unfortunate, but well deserved (92 in a 65). i am trying to be a good citizen and take the defensive driving course so that i will not have points added to my license. anyhow, i see that i can take the course online, so of course, i opt for that scenario as opposed to sitting in a classroom for 5 hours.

when attempting to pay for the course, i keep getting this (terribly non-descript) error about my information being missing or incorrect. i call the help line because i know i'm not an idiot, and the technical assistance guy on the other end logs in and attempts to do the same thing that i just did (like i don't know how to type and hadn't tried several times already) so he says "i think this may be a technical error" (no! really??) and that there will be a girl coming in in ~1 hour who can take a look at it. me being the impatient techie coder that i am, decided to check it myself.

so i get off the phone with mr techincal assistance and view the source code of the page, turns out their code is there embedded in the html for all to see (which is very bad practice, didn't anyone ever teach these people anything??) so i see the function that is parsing my credit card number and low and behold, it doesn't account for a 4 digit number beginning with a zero...so to test my theory, i change the leading zero in my credit card number to a 1 and resubmit, and of course it goes through without the idiotic error message. i call back the guy and let him know what the problem is so that the girl can fix it and that they also have my incorrect credit card number. why do i do things like this? because i can't help it...it's just who i am, a nerd.

trying something new.

i used to have my blog hosted elsewhere, but i don't like the fact that no one can comment without having an account.