I haven't posted an entry since...June, of last year. It is not that I haven't had a multitude of thoughts, I just have not made the time to write them here. I had to write this, because I know someone needs to hear it, I needed to hear it.
"Everything has a purpose, clocks tell you the time, trains take you to places. I'd imagine the whole world was one big machine. Machines never come with any extra parts, you know. They always come with the exact amount they need. So I figured if the entire world was one big machine... I couldn't be an extra part. I had to be here for some reason. And that means you have to be here for some reason, too." --Hugo Cabret
Do not, ever, diminish who you are in order to allow someone else to be comfortable. Anyone. Not your friends, family, co-workers, spouses, acquaintances, no one. Life is short. We only get one shot at this, and the time we have is precious, far too precious to spend even one moment hiding who it is that we were created to be. More important than that: someone needs you to be exactly who you are in order to fulfill who it is that they are meant to be. We are all here for a reason.
If we spend our lives and energy worrying about what will cause someone else discomfort, what they will think of us, we do ourselves and the world a great disservice. Each time we hide, we retreat further into ourselves until eventually, we just...disappear.
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.' We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people will not feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone and as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give others permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others." --Marianne Williamson, A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of "A Course in Miracles", Ch. 7, Section 3 (1992)
We must be careful who we allow to speak into our lives, who we allow to impact our spirits, because the people we surround ourselves with can be our greatest detractors or our biggest supporters. Everyone needs encouragement in order to grow. Anyone who constantly feels the need to remind you of how normal, average, and insignificant you are, is someone who does not yet love themselves enough to be loving toward anyone else...even if they want to be. The world is full of people who have been rejected and made to feel inadequate. If they have not healed, those around them become collateral damage. It is our job to love them, but not at the expense of shrinking from who we know in our hearts we are called to become.
There is far too much darkness in the world to extinguish, or even diminish the light we carry. We have to shine. We were born to shine. We were made to shine.
What I am going to say next, makes me want to cry: all of the love you have to give, will never be enough love to make someone love themselves. Let me repeat that. ALL of the love you have to give will NEVER be enough love to MAKE someone love themselves. We are not meant to fill that void, if we try, we will soon find that we are drained. Loving a person is not easy, but healthy love is reciprocal, and though hard fought, has the effect of making you shine brighter.
I want you to do something. I want you to take a pen and paper, and write down every person that you love. Are you their biggest cheerleader? You should be able to cheer on, from your heart, everyone who you love. If you cannot do that, you are not loving them. You should ask yourself, why? If your actions cause friction, tension, silence, separation, you are diminishing the people who you say you love.
I want you to take the challenge to give the people you love license to shine. You may not yet know how to do this, but it is simple: look into their eyes, observe their body language, you will see that they are shining, it will exude from every pore. Lift them up, speak kind words, give of yourself when there is nothing that you expect in return, look for ways to lighten their burdens, hug them, personify love.
I want you to give yourself license to shine. Pursue your passions. Your dreams are not silly, stupid, crazy or unreachable, they exist in your heart because you have the unique life experience to steward them, to shepherd them and to carry them to completion. If you are reading this, even if I do not know you, I want to tell you that I love you.
Do not be afraid to be who you were created to be, you need to be that to fulfill your purpose, and the world needs us each to shine brightly in order to illuminate the darkness.
I have been doing a lot of reading and thinking in the new year. I am reading "The 7 habits of Highly Effective People" by Stephen R. Covey and I am taking my time. I like to digest my reading and internalize it as I would a good meal. In order for you to follow me on the remainder of this blog post, I must first provide you the passage that caused me to sit back and carefully evaluate my behaviors toward those that I care for.
In his section on Principles of Personal Vision, Covey writes:
At one seminar where I was speaking on the concept of proactivity, a man came up and said, "Stephen, I like what you're saying. But every situation is different. Look at my marriage. I'm realy worried. My wife and I just don't have the same feelings for each other we used to have. I guess I just don't love her anymore and she doesn't love me. What can I do?" "The feeling isn't there anymore?" I asked. "That's right," he reaffirmed. "And we have three children we're really concerned about. What do you suggest?" "Love her," I replied. "I told you, the feeling just isn't there anymore." "Love her." "You don't understand. The feeling of love just isn't there." "Then love her. If the feeling isn't there, that's a good reason to love her." "But how do you love when you don't have love?" "My friend, love is a verb. Love --the feeling--is a fruit of love, the verb. So love her. Serve her. Sacrifice. Listen to her. Empathize. Appreciate. Affirm her. Are you willing to do that?"
Okay. Let it marinate.
Now, when I reflect on this, it says to me: If you want love, be more loving, if you want respect be more respectful...a sentiment summarized beautifully in Matthew 7:12 (do unto others...). There is nothing profound in this statement, and yet, it hit me like a ton of bricks. People are not mind readers, nor do they absorb things by osmosis. If I want someone to know that I love them, I love them. The verb. If I am thinking about someone, I tell them. When I love, I do not know how to do this any other way but to let it ooze out of every pore. I love not because people always deserve it, but because I care so much for who they are and their well being, that I want them to succeed. Because when they glow, I shine, and when they fall, I stumble, because I care.
I remember the first time I knew that I was head over heels in love. I arrived home from school on Christmas break of 1998 and walked into the house to greet my family. Sitting on the couch was my older sister, holding this tiny little person swaddled in soft pink blankets with only her cherubic brown face showing, well, that and a massive tumble of dark curls. She was so quiet and in her slumber she appeared to me to be the closest thing to heaven on earth. The moment I saw my niece I knew I would do any and EVERYthing in my power to keep her safe and happy no matter what it cost me. I was a goner. My heart was so full of love that I thought it might burst. She could hate me, and I would love her because I had no choice. So this was love. That is when I truly understood. My parents would love me no matter how mean, disrespectul, forgetful, ungrateful, selfish, or imperfect...they would love me in SPITE of my flaws.
I was praying this morning, and I am so thankful for every single one of my friends and all of their quirks, for my family and it's dysfunction, because they love every little piece of me, even when I do not; and so I must love them the way God loves me...flaws and all.
zapp and roger were visionaries. why would i say such a thing? let me break it down for you computer science style...
"Computer Love" was released in 1986. if you are unfamiliar with the song, this fact may be of no consequence to you, so please click the link and allow me to illuminate its brilliance as you listen (or wax nostalgic). approximately 10 years before the internet became widely utilized, 15 years before online dating became a socially accepted norm as a means to find love, zapp and roger were extolling the virtues of technology to search for, locate and maintain romantic relationships. my hat also goes off to the creators of back to the future II. during one scene a naked caller accidently video dials the mcfly residence illustrating, what is arguably, the most common use of video chatting (i have absolutely no statistics to back this claim, it is purely anecdotal).
for those of us who have been been in a long distance relationship, tools such as skype, iChat and google's video chat have helped put a face to the voice on the other end of the line. they have enabled a more "human" element in the fight to make it last forever when our loves are out of reach. back in '86, it may only have been a futuristic take on finding love, but technology has finally closed the gap. ironically, it seems that the potential to make a human connection is what has driven our most recent cyberspace crazes (see: myspace, twitter, facebook...)
zapp and roger's computer love was the precursor to many a digital love song. though i cannot crown them all with the title of "visonary" here is a nod to those that i can remember, in no particular order:
Digital Girl, 2009; Drake, Jamie Foxx, The Dream, Kanye West
